The Musings of Ezekiel, Part I

Sometimes at night I am afraid to dangle my feet over my bed because there is the inherent danger that monsters may nibble at my toes.

If given a choice between eating one live tarantula and one apple pie, I'd pick the apple pie. Unless it was laced with cyanide. Then I'd go with the tarantula. But I'd dip it in some ranch dressing.

Sometimes, when I see someone with a large bump in the middle of his noise, I kind of want to smash it with a hammer.

The Drew Carey Show, I believe, has stolen many jokes from me over the years. I think they have some sort of mind-reading device.

By the way, has ever noticed that the chubby girl from All That on Snick, who played Lorrie Beth in that segment called "Vital Information for Your Everyday Lives" plays a student on the Steve Harvey Show. And has anyone further noticed that The Steve Harvey Show isn't really funny, like, at all? Oh and plus that girl was also a cheerleader in some movie, and she ended up crushing someone to death. I think it was The Replacements, but I could be wrong.

Speaking of dangling feet, does anyone remember how to uh, ...- diagram? is that the word?- Diagram a dangling participle?

That last thought reminded me how much it pisses me off when people called a dash a slash.

Everyone except old people and single moms wants plastic bags at the grocery store.