Rhinoceros Pimples

Did you ever have one of those pimples that was so big it was like a rhinoceros horn? And the thing with those is that they're always like, right in the middle of your forehead. Why? And don 't even think about trying to pop them, oooh no. That just makes it worse. You know why? It pisses them off. Then the next day they're like twice as big, and you're walking around with a fucking appendage sticking out of your head.

When you get these Rhino pimples, you're not sure about them at first. You're laying in your bed in the middle of the night, and your head is itchy, so you go to scratch it and OH, SWEET JESUS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? You don't know if it's like, a spider bite or something. And it freaks you out because you're thinking to yourself, "Oh my God what the hell man, what the HELL? Is that a bug bite?" And you know if it is a bug bite you're gonna make two calls: one to the hospital and one to fucking animal control because anything that makes a bump that size has got to be HUGE.

The next thing you do, is walk- CAREFULLY- into the bathroom. Because, if it is some kind of 37-pound gorilla-spider you don't want to see it. So it's pitch black, the middle of the night, and you're trying to get to the bathroom without waking up the demon from hell. For all you know it's eating your cat right now.

So you finally get to the bathroom and flip the light on to examine yourself in the mirror. "Holy shit. This is bad. I'm gonna die for sure." And then you take a step back, and your eyes adjust to the light. "Well, it doesn't look terminal. Maybe it's just a pimple." Hah. Just a pimple. Just a fucking pimple. You try to pop it for like, an hour and a half, and nothing happens except your arms get sore.

Finally in about three weeks the beast goes away, but it's always in the back of your mind. You're like, "Oh shit. What if it resurfaces?. It's tough livin' with that kind of fear.